


Making a Future for Ourselves

by rememberednoah



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Amputation, Angst, Blood and Gore, Crying, Cute, Disembowelment, Drabble Collection, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Men Crying, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Hubert von Vestra, Panic Attacks, Post-Timeskip | War Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Self-Doubt, Soft Hubert von Vestra, Sweet, Tenderness, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25778740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rememberednoah/pseuds/rememberednoah
Summary: A series of drabbles where Hubert is ridiculously in love with Ferdinand but also emotionally constipatedORSnapshots into the life Hubert and Ferdinand build for themselves
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & My Unit | Byleth, Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth, Ferdinand von Aegir & Hubert von Vestra, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 23
Kudos: 91





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> How many times can I use the word "future" in a drabble? A lot. Someone needed to stop me.

Hubert was supposed to be eating. Some part of his brain knew that. The thought lurked _somewhere_ … But his eyes were glued to the chair Ferdinand would be sitting in if he were here with them. Ferdinand had been gone for three months now, and Hubert hadn’t breathed properly for the entirety of his absence. His lungs felt clogged. His shoulders heavy with tension. His mind frayed at the edges from a headache that refused to go away.

Everything was easier when Ferdinand was around. Well. Maybe not easier. Maybe just bearable. Worth it? No. Edelgard was enough to make anything worth it. But Ferdinand made it...survivable. He could bear the weight of fighting to keep an empire alive for Edelgard, but he could not always be sure he would _survive_ it when Ferdinand wasn’t around. 

“You miss him, don’t you?” 

Edelgard’s voice was a shock through his system. Hubert opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again. He gestured noncommittally to his food, as if that meant anything at all. 

“I hope you know our friendship is not limited to discussions of battle strategy. I know how you feel with him gone. If you would like to talk about it, I will always be willing to listen.”

Hubert’s eyes fell to the place Byleth would normally occupy, but she was not there. It was just Edelgard, and him, and empty space. 

“I sleep better when he’s here.” The words were a surprise. He had not planned to take up Edelgard’s offer. But why stop there? “It’s not just about the feel of him in my arms, or the way he twines our fingers together and cradles our joined hands to his chest, or the way he offers me a positively radiant grin before he falls asleep, or the way he smells like sweat and that damned horse he loves so much. It’s knowing he’s safe. Well, safe is taking it a bit too far. It’s about knowing that if anything happened to him, I would know. It wouldn’t take months to know what had befallen him. I would know who had taken him from me. I would _know_.” 

Hubert scoffed at himself, a cruel smile curling his lips. He was a fool, and he knew it. “It was never supposed to be like this. It was meant to be simple. I tried—“ 

“We’ve both spent too much time trying to be stones, Hubert, when we are not meant to be so. In the end, we all yearn for someone who will listen to our troubles and share our joys.” 

“It’s agony. Sometimes,” he whispered, avoiding Edelgard’s gaze as if it would scorch him. 

“You love him.” 

Hubert flinched at the words. The problem wasn’t that Edelgard was wrong. It was that she was right. 

Edelgard clasped her hands before her and looked directly at him. “When this is all over, what will you do?” 

He did not want to state the obvious. He also did not want to insult Edelgard by pretending he didn’t know exactly what she meant. “What can I do?” 

“You know very well the kind of future Ferdinand wants. A partner. A family. A home. He has never tried to conceal his wishes.” 

And Hubert knew that. He did. All too well. It terrified him. 

Naturally, his words turned cold. “Are you suggesting marriage? Is that what you’re trying to get me to think about? Because if so, you’ll be sorely disappointed. I can hardly think beyond this war. Surviving it is a dream. Marriage is a fantasy.” 

“But would you do it? If you survived, made it to the end of this with me, would you marry him?” 

The thought was too painful. Like someone was tearing off one of his limbs with a rusted knife. 

“You hesitate. Is it that you do not wish it or you wish it too much?”

He wanted to tell her to stop, to leave him be, that it was not the time for this. But the words that came out were a strangled, “I don’t know what to do about Ferdinand. I don’t know how to stand by him and the future he wants.” 

“What do _you_ want?” 

Ha! 

“I know what you’re going to say, Hubert, and I want you to listen.” She placed a hand on top of his, and he had no choice but to meet her eyes. It was excruciating. 

He listened. 

“The moment you decided to start a relationship with Ferdinand, you set into motion a plan for your own future. I know you see your future as intrinsically tied to my side. Although this is not wrong, it is also not the entire truth. There is more to your life now, and there is room for even more. The question you need to ask yourself is if you’re ready to admit that what you want is the same thing he does.” 

Hubert clenched his fists. “Who has room for _wants_ in a war?” 

“You do.”

“What—“

She held up a hand, silencing him. He was growing frustrated, but he would not disrespect his empress. No matter what, he served her. He owed her his patience. 

“You acknowledged your wants the moment you started treating Ferdinand with respect instead of disdain. If not in that moment, then when you admitted to him your feelings for him. You have wants, and you have made space for them. Make room for more. There’s plenty.” 

“How can I?” The question was a plea. 

“You have done this already, Hubert. You already reconciled your duty to me with your love for him. It is only a matter of making it more permanent.” 

“I have _not_ reconciled it. I have been selfish. I have been cruel. I stepped into my relationship with Ferdinand wholly expecting it to go nowhere. To end when this all ended. It was the only way to make it safe.” 

Edelgard laughed, the sound abrasive and loud. “Safe? Your relationship has never been safe. It will never be safe! But if he wants to hope for a future with you, why do you wish to deny him?” 

“I don’t wish to deny him anything!” 

“Then don’t. You don’t have to, Hubert. Why block your own happiness when it’s the outside forces trying to steal it from you which you should be fighting?” 

“What if he says no?” There. His true fear finally voiced. 

Edelgard’s expression softened. Something about her eyes and the set of her shoulders marked a change. 

“He won’t.”

“What if he does?” 

“Hubert, there is not a man out there who loves you as he does. The letters he writes to you, the coffee he sends, the way his eyes spark when someone speaks ill of you, these are all signs of more than just mere attraction. Ferdinand loves you, and he wants you by his side. All you must do is ask.” 

He could hardly choke out the words. “It will hurt too much.” 

“Does it not hurt to think of him living his life without you? Finding someone else to build a future with?”

He flinched. He could not help it. The thought made something in him want to scream while simultaneously curl into itself. 

“Of course it hurts me.” 

“If both routes potentially lead to pain, then isn’t the smartest choice the one that could lead to happiness?”

She was right. Of course she was right. But he was scared. So scared. 

“What if I make him unhappy?” 

“We must all make choices where the result in unpredictable. All you can hope is that your efforts to make him happy will be enough.”

Hubert nodded. Words failed him, as they often did. He made a move to stand up, “Thank you, Edelgard. I think I will take my leave.” 

So, he did.

He had a lot to think about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hubert takes out his frustrations over missing Ferdinand on the unsuspecting members of his battalion

When Hubert failed to make sense of the tumult of his emotions, he did the only thing that made sense: he overworked the members of his battalion. It was simple, really. If he focused on every minor flaw in each of them, he couldn’t think about how he was slowly losing his mind without Ferdinand by his side. He could pretend like all his thoughts didn’t revolve around Ferdinand and the conversation he’d had with Edelgard. 

Despite his efforts, the conversation continued to plague him. His mind spiraled down the same worn path time and time again. 

Could he reconcile his duty to Edelgard with his growing duty to Ferdinand? Could he commit to the other man permanently? Because it would be permanent. There would be no returning from a marriage proposal or from marriage itself. He would not do that to Ferdinand. The world may well see Hubert as cruel, but Ferdinand was where he drew all his lines. He would not cross into treacherous territory that would lead to harm neither of them would fully recover from. He’d been willing to risk a dalliance, but he would not irreparably damage his relationship with Ferdinand by dangling marriage before the other man and then taking it away. 

As if Hubert could ever go as far as proposing to Ferdinand and then backing out. Even now, their relationship established but on the precipice of change, he could hardly draw away from the other man if he so much as looked at Hubert. A proposal would be the end of all pretense of restraint. Hubert knew it. He just wished he could _stop_ thinking about it every second of every day of his miserable life. 

_Focus_ , Hubert told himself. He was in a room full of mediocre mages. Surely, he could spare some thought to how to best tell them all they were a disappointment. 

“Would any of you care to explain to me the idiocy I saw out there?” 

His words were met with silence. The men and women before him drooped in their seats. Exhaustion marked them all in some way: the lines around their eyes, the slump of their shoulders, the stillness of their hands. 

“I thought you had all joined the Empire because you wished not only to make something of yourselves but to lend us support in battle. Can anyone answer, then, why it was me who had to cover for all your failings today? Not only did you disappoint me in battle, but even a simple training session seems to have been too much.” 

More silence. 

Hubert slammed his hands on the table before him. “Must I repeat myself? Are you all so desperate to return to the field to train? At the moment I have no more pressing matters, so I could stand to watch you make fools of yourselves until you can no longer stand!” 

Someone finally had the courage to answer, “Von Vestra, _please_. We all just need some rest and some food.” 

Another voiced joined in, “We promise to do better tomorrow!” 

“Tomorrow? What use is tomorrow to me if I had truly needed you today? The difference between today and tomorrow is that today your incompetence did not cost any of our lives, but it may very well do so tomorrow.” Hubert was growing tired of their lack of dedication. If they were uninterested in investing their all into fighting for Edelgard, he had no interest in training them to become his equals. Their potential was meaningless if all they wished to do was squander it. 

“It will not happen again, von Vestra. We fight for Lady Edelgard and for the future of the Empire. We do not wish to see that destroyed.”

“Then act like it! If any of you wish to truly become powerful mages and not allow your talents to shrivel until they’re barely a speck in comparison to what they could’ve been, you all need to stop acting like this is some kind of game. Am I understood?”

Before any of the mages could respond, a cheerful voice broke the silence. “Hubert, is that you I hear terrorizing our fine young mages and possibly destroying alliances which could prove fruitful to the future of the Empire?” 

Hubert’s mouth was already moving before he told it to do so. His tone was mild, but Hubert felt alight. “Surely you exaggerate, Ferdinand. All that time away must be addling your brain if you think this lot have anything to offer Lady Edelgard.” 

He ran his mouth but only to keep himself from running towards Ferdinand. He wanted to hold him in his arms and kiss him until he was thoroughly reassured the other man had truly returned. Hubert had far too much self-respect to indulge his true desires, but his restless energy still showed in the tireless movement of his fingers over the wooden surface of the table. 

Although he mostly controlled his physical response, Hubert’s thoughts did not stop. Not for a second. He now had a new vicious cycle to contend with. 

_He’s safe._

_You can touch him again._

_He’s safe._

_You can touch him again._

_He’s safe._

_Finally._

_Finally._

_Finally._

Suddenly, there was no need for Hubert to run because Ferdinand was already running, launching himself into Hubert’s arms. And there wasn’t really a choice between taking hold of Ferdinand or not. Hubert caught him, and his fingers immediately dug into vibrant hair. Relief flooded his senses, and he had to fight every instinct telling him to crush their bodies together. To never let go. 

His restraint was futile because Ferdinand grinned at him like there was no place he could be happier. It was a smile that said Hubert was the world itself. And when Ferdinand kissed him, Hubert couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think anything that wasn’t _Ferdinand Ferdinand Ferdinand Ferdinand Ferdinand Ferdinand_. 

The other man laughed against Hubert’s mouth, and Hubert felt his chest tighten. It hurt how much he loved the sound, how it always clawed its way into his heart and took possession of it. His arms instinctively drew Ferdinand closer. It did not matter, then, that the mages were watching. Though his brain screamed a thousand alarms of how the act undermined his image of authority, the hungry thing that was Hubert’s heart didn’t care. 

When had he fallen so desperately in love with Ferdinand von Aegir?

Ferdinand pulled away slightly, eyes bright with such earnest emotion it made Hubert’s throat dry. “I missed you.” 

The words carved themselves into Hubert’s chest anew. 

“Your absence was noted.”

Ferdinand laughed again, that clear beautiful sound, and Hubert could hardly stand it. He did not know what to do with the deluge of emotions Ferdinand’s presence brought. 

“Oh, I’m sure it was,” he replied and cast a meaningful glance at the dark mages that had watched the whole scene unfold. 

Hubert felt his face heat and cursed the paleness of his skin for betraying him so. He did not want to meet their gazes, but he could hardly keep his dignity if he did not. 

None of the mages looked surprised by their lack of decorum. To the contrary, the group had visibly relaxed. 

“Please, von Aegir, never leave us again!” One had the audacity to call out! 

“Have mercy on us or he won’t!”

Hubert was going to kill all of them. 

But not before he had his fill of Ferdinand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's time for me to crawl back into my cave to cry over these two idiots. 
> 
> Stay tuned for the next update! Who knows what will come? Maybe Hubert being angsty. Maybe Hubert and Ferdinand being very very very soft with each other. Only time will tell...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hubert has a panic attack, and Ferdinand helps him through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me? Shamelessly writing about Hubert crying? You got that right. It's my fic, and I do what I want.

It was not often Hubert regretted the work he did for Lady Edelgard. No one had forced him to take it on, and he’d not hesitated before pledging to get the worst of it done. He would not stop serving Edelgard in whatever way she needed until he drew his last breath. But it was not always easy. It was especially difficult when he knew he’d be facing Ferdinand when he came back. He was out of practice and shame was not an emotion that died quietly. 

Rationally, Hubert knew Ferdinand did not judge him. He knew the younger man understood his role and the commitment he’d made. He never spoke of wishing for Hubert’s hands to be cleaner. He never asked Hubert to change what he did. 

But it nagged at him. Although Hubert knew better than to allow what the soldiers whispered to get to him, the words still wound their way around his thoughts. He didn’t care if every member of the army thought he was scum and without honor. He worried Ferdinand, deep down, believed the same as all the others. The uncertainty was unfounded, but he’d not had to face it for some months now, and its return was sharp and jagged.

It boiled down, as it often did, to something simple: Hubert did not want Ferdinand to think lesser of him. 

As he stepped into the tent he shared with the younger man, Hubert felt weary. His body ached the way it typically did after he stepped off the battlefield. After a battle, he was usually exhausted enough for thoughts to come slowly unless there was a desperate demand for his senses to remain sharp. But now he could not shake off the image of the men he’d recently disposed of. They followed him with each blink of his eyelids. 

When Hubert saw Ferdinand was inside their tent, he felt both disappointed and relieved at the sight. Too high-strung for a greeting, he silently made his way to the washbasin. He stared into the bowl and startled when the image of one of the men surfaced. He blinked, and it was gone. His own reflection was what was left, but it was no comfort. The dark circles under his eyes seemed more pronounced than usual. The green of his irises seemed to glow eerily in contrast. He looked away from his image, but he found no respite. His hands were shaking. 

_Damn it all!_

Hubert closed his eyes and took a steadying breath, but it did not help. He saw a man falling to his knees, choking on his own blood. He saw a man pleading for mercy. He saw the spurt of blood that followed a knife after it slit a throat. 

His hands shook harder, but he pushed on. He slid off his gloves and set them neatly beside the washbasin. His fingers were caked in dried blood. Only now he remembered he’d forgotten to put on his leather gloves earlier, and the evidence clung to his hands. 

His breathing turned ragged. His vision blurred. He clung to the edges of the washbasin and tried to tell himself to stop being such a delicate little flower about the whole thing. He’d done far worse than what he’d done tonight. But the problem was he had to face Ferdinand with his blood-soaked hands. 

“Let me help, Hubert.” Ferdinand’s voice was like a cool cloth on a feverish forehead. It grounded Hubert in the way he had failed to do for himself. 

He was so lost in the sound of Ferdinand’s voice, he felt before he saw the younger man’s hands cover his. Ferdinand’s touch was gentle but sure. It helped further anchor Hubert to this moment, but his breathing had not yet calmed. 

“Sweetheart, would you allow me to wash your hands?” His voice was so soft Hubert wanted to cry. He did not deserve this tenderness. The term of endearment, the question of consent, they were far too much for the likes of Hubert. But he greedily took the words in and savored their sweetness. 

He nearly forgot to answer Ferdinand’s question, but he nodded. His own voice felt out of reach. 

“Are you certain? Squeeze my hands once if I may proceed or twice if I may not.” 

Hubert’s breathing wavered at the familiarity of the request, but his body knew what to do. He squeezed Ferdinand’s hands tightly only once and then let go. 

“Very good. Thank you.” The praise momentarily soothed his senses. 

Without another word, Ferdinand guided their hands into the water. Hubert watched as the water pinked with blood. He could not suppress the shudder that shook his body. 

“I’ve got you, sweetheart. Don’t worry.” Ferdinand kissed his cheek, and Hubert felt a tear escape the corner of his eye. 

_Ridiculous_

_Ridiculous_

_Ridiculous_

Hubert was so much better than this, but when Ferdinand stepped closer, his body solid and firm behind him, Hubert felt something inside him snap loose. 

He began sobbing, and the words that stumbled out of his mouth were a surprise even to himself. “You. Should. Hate. Me.” 

“Never.” The word was fierce. Ferdinand’s grip on him tightened. “I did not hate you when we were at the academy and you were cruel to me, and I will not hate you now when you do everything to protect Lady Edelgard’s Empire.” 

Hubert smirked, but it was a brittle thing. “Everyone thinks I’m beneath you. Worse than the mud that clings to the bottom of your boots.” 

“Simply untrue. Even if it were true, anyone who believes it can eat shit.” The curse word from Ferdinand’s mouth was like a bolt of lightning through his system. His sobs subsided though tears continued to blur his vision.

Ferdinand cleared his throat and gestured to the soap, “May I?” 

Hubert nodded, and Ferdinand wasted no time reaching for the soap and meticulously beginning the process of cleaning Hubert’s hands. He made sure to scrub at each finger, finding every crevice where blood could hide, until Hubert’s hands felt raw and clean. 

Gratitude felt like a lump in Hubert’s throat. He could hardly voice it as it squeezed him tight. He hated feeling so fragile, but he could not seem to stop. Unsure what else to do, his gaze remained focused on their joined hands. Ferdinand’s sun-kissed skin against the pallor of his own felt right. 

He did not want to give this up. He did not want to give _him_ up. 

Ferdinand stroked the back of his hand with a thumb, and Hubert found further comfort in the motion. Before he could grow too used to it, the younger man asked, “Do you you wish to take a bath? It’s already been prepared for you, but if you simply wish to go to bed that is more than fine by me.”

Hubert fought the urge to cringe at the idea of going to bed before fully washing himself. He’d done it plenty of times before, war did not always accommodate to ones sensibilities, but the idea of not washing the events of the night away nearly sent him back into the worst of his thought spiral. 

“Bath.” The single word was all he managed to choke out. 

“Alright.” Ferdinand twined their fingers together and led Hubert to the wooden tub he’d failed to notice when he’d first entered the tent. 

When Hubert looked down at the still steaming water, he felt strangled by all the layers of clothing that lay between himself and the water. His breathing turned ragged once more, and it only frustrated him further. This absurd weakness was pathetic. He needed to be stronger than this, but he felt vulnerable, like a festering wound.

Ferdinand cupped Hubert’s face in his hands, genuine concern in his amber eyes, and it only made him feel more unworthy. “Come now. Don’t fret, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” 

How could he possibly deserve this man? The world had to be truly fucked for a man like Hubert to somehow have the gift of returning home to a man like Ferdinand. _Home_. 

Hubert was crying again. But Ferdinand remained blessedly calm. “Do you need me to stop?”

“No!” He cried, the word unbidden, tearing through his throat like a demand. 

“Shhh. Shhh. That’s quite alright, sweetheart. I’m only making sure.” Ferdinand stroked his cheeks gently, and Hubert felt his breathing calm again. 

“I will undress you now. Tell me if you need me to stop.” Only when Hubert nodded did Ferdinand proceed. 

Ferdinand took his time. With each item of clothing he removed, he made sure to fold it and stack it neatly on a pile nearby. Hubert felt himself relax under the repetitive motions and found himself steadily relinquishing control. By the time he was fully undressed, he felt _safe_. 

“Would it be alright if I kissed you?” Ferdinand’s voice was soft, tentative. 

Hubert felt no such reservations and nodded. And then Ferdinand was there, in his space, in a way he had not quite been that night. Suddenly, he was everywhere. He was everything. Hubert could taste him on his tongue, feel his calloused hands on his jaw, smell his lingering scent of horse and sweat mixed with his favorite soap, see his radiant hair. This was so much already, but it was not enough. 

“More,” he found himself saying. And Ferdinand understood. He wrapped an arm around Hubert’s waist, pressing him close, and buried a hand into his hair to hold him still. 

Hubert felt himself mercifully give in to the comfort of it all. 

When Ferdinand pulled away, it felt less like an absence than a promise of more to come. “Are you ready?” 

He nodded, and Ferdinand helped him into the tub. The warm water was a balm to whatever remained of Hubert’s tension. His muscles relaxed and a wave of exhaustion hit him. He wanted to sleep. 

Before his thoughts could fully unfocus, he felt Ferdinand push his head back, and then the steady trickle of water over his hair. He nearly said, _You don’t have to do this_. But he kept the words locked away. Ferdinand did not care for him this way out of a sense of duty, so there was no use in reminding him that this was not required of him. With how gingerly Ferdinand was treating him, Hubert knew this was purely devotion. Hubert may not have been worthy of it, but he would not reject it when he so sorely needed it.

Hubert remained quiet as Ferdinand washed not just his hair but his body. Every touch was purposeful but infused with everything Ferdinand felt for him. It was all so tender Hubert felt close to bursting from the intensity of it. 

After he’d finished, Hubert could not help but whisper, “I love you.” Because it was true. It was always true. 

Ferdinand smiled at him, a small, fond thing, and Hubert found himself kissing him without thought. Hubert felt Ferdinand’s smile widen before he kissed him back with the same fervor Hubert felt. “My heart, I love you more than I will ever be able to put into words.” 

That particular term of endearment always left Hubert feeling like he was gasping for breath. _My heart my heart my heart my heart_. 

Hubert wanted it to always be so.

Ferdinand drew away, but the smile on his lips was drowsy and content. “Would you like to go to bed now?” 

He nodded, unsure if he could count on his voice to support him, and Ferdinand helped him out of the tub. 

When the younger man proceeded to help dry his body, he nearly found himself saying the words again, _I love you_. It was the one response his mind seemed able to produce at the moment. All other thoughts were too dangerous in their implications. Hopeful little things, they frightened him. 

“You’re still in your head.” Ferdinand’s brow furrowed with determination, like Hubert’s lack of complete bliss and emptiness of thought was a personal affront. “Come to bed. I want to hold you.” 

It was impossible for Hubert not to comply. 

With Ferdinand’s arms finally curled protectively around him, Hubert allowed himself to think, for the first time that night, about how he did not resist this intimacy. He’d not thought to deny it, with any level of conviction, even once that night. He’d known he should’ve, it was expected of him, but it was just a thought. Its weight was meaningless when all along he’d known he would not reject any of the comforts offered. Despite not deserving it, he ate the attention like he needed to hoard it for the cold winters to come. 

Only with each passing day, Hubert grew more certain that there would not be any cold winters, not without Ferdinand. 

That’s why he found himself asking, “Why do you love me?” 

Ferdinand did not hesitate, like the answer lived on his tongue ready to be uttered. “I love you because of your loyalty. Because of the way you put your socks and shoes on one foot before moving to the other. Because of the way you gravitate towards me whenever I’m in a room. Because you’re _insufferably_ smart, and observant, and careful. Because many might see only your sharp edges, but you allow me to see the soft side. Because you trust me enough to see the softness and not break it. And I love you because you deserve someone who loves you and cares for you not despite the sharp bits, but because all of you is worthy of love. And I’m more than willing to be that person.” 

He touched Ferdinand’s cheeks, fingers gentle and reverent. He leaned in and kissed him because he did not know what to say. Or he did know but did not feel eloquent enough to say it. 

Ferdinand was pliant under his touch, opening to him like a flower in the sun, and Hubert drank him in. His tongue searched Ferdinand’s mouth for something and found it in the way the other man responded. Eager and bold. 

And although Hubert felt full of words to share, it was somehow Ferdinand who spoke. “You will always be safe with me. No matter what the situation, you can always count on me. I love you, Hubert von Vestra.” 

And Hubert knew it was true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for me to push my next agenda: Hubert and Caspar are bffs. You can pry that friendship from my cold, dead hands. Get ready because Caspar is full of love and ready to convince Hubert to propose to Ferdinand.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caspar gives Hubert the last push he needs to propose to Ferdinand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. Hello. It is me. Here again with some more soft Hubert. Enjoy.

Hubert had bought a ring. With no heirloom of his own to give, it was inevitable that the first step to proposing to Ferdinand was the purchase of an engagement ring. Still. He felt arrested by indecision. He could not help but wonder if his choice of ring was too austere. 

The ring in question was simple: a band of gold threaded through with a line of black. It utterly lacked the frilly and fanciful air of a true family heirloom. 

Now, he worried he’d made the wrong decision. At the time of purchase, Hubert had chosen it because he was a simple man, and he thought his token of affection should speak to that. But there was nothing simple or understated about Ferdinand. Would he be disappointed by its modest appearance? Hubert tried to tell himself it didn’t matter. Surely, all Ferdinand would care about was that Hubert was proposing at all…

Right? 

Wrong? 

Hubert hated this feeling of constant self-doubt. All his insecurities bubbled to the surface when it came to Ferdinand. But this was not the younger man’s fault. No. This was all on Hubert and his inability to understand the intricacies of courtship and the still unfamiliar territory of loving someone who was not Lady Edelgard. Hubert had not yet mastered the art of properly loving Ferdinand von Aegir. Hell, the act of loving someone else was in itself a minefield born of lack of practice. Surely, this was why people formed multiple attachments when young. By Hubert’s age, they would be able to confidently go into the world with the sole purpose of marrying the man they loved without having to question every minuscule decision that led to actually proposing. 

Yet here Hubert was…utterly petrified by the fear that this final act would irreversibly show his vulnerability, and he would be rejected for it. He felt like an exposed wound that could very well heal or rot. 

Naturally, even with the certainty of the cold metal of the ring biting into his skin, Hubert was questioning whether he should propose at all. His courage was undoubtedly failing him, and he did not know how to get it back. All he knew was how desperately he wanted for Ferdinand to say yes and to hold the promise of that answer in his heart. 

“Hubert, is that a ring I see in your hands?” 

Hubert felt like he’d been doused with frigid water. The shock of Caspar’s voice was sudden and all-consuming. He could hardly believe his eyes when he saw the other man, and it became evident that he had, indeed, failed to hear the most absurdly loud person he knew walk into his tent. The realization that came next was just as mortifying: Caspar had caught him with an engagement ring in his hands. 

Before Hubert could go on the offense, Caspar was already dashing to his side and delivering an onslaught of questions. Worst of all, these came with a delighted laugh as Caspar managed to grab the ring from Hubert’s surprisingly pliant hands. “So, you’ve finally grown a pair and decided to propose? I must say I was starting to doubt you had it in you. When are you going to ask him? How are you going to ask him? Will I be able to see? Will _all_ of us see? I _have_ to be there!” 

The barrage of questions brought suddenly to Hubert’s mind the thought that, somehow, someway, he’d begun to consider Caspar a _friend_. With Caspar’s total disregard for Hubert’s privacy, and with Hubert’s tolerance of said behavior, the evidence spoke for itself. What was worse, he could feel nothing but mild irritation at Caspar’s intrusion. If anything, he found himself fighting a fond smile as Caspar stared at him with an expression of anticipation. 

Of course, there was no denying Caspar was obnoxious, loud, needlessly eager…but those were all traits he shared with the man Hubert was planning to marry. So, really, how surprising was it that he’d befriended Caspar? Or, more true to form, that Caspar had befriended _him_?

Despite the ridiculous affection Hubert felt in his heart, his doubt mercilessly crawled back to him. “I have not yet decided if I will propose.” 

“Bullshit.” The curse was uttered unflinchingly. 

Hubert’s eyes widened, and he stared at Caspar in disbelief. “Excuse you?” 

“You are an absolutely terrible liar when it comes to a certain red-headed, horse-loving man. If you have a ring in your hands right now, which you do, it’s because you’re planning to propose. It’s a matter of _when_ not _if_.” 

Hubert stared down at the ring still in Caspar’s hands. His chest felt uncomfortably tight. “I have talked to Lady Edelgard about the matter…”

“And she did not order you to marry him immediately?” Caspar shook his head in mock-disdain. “Truly, we’re in worse waters than I anticipated.”

“ _As I was saying before you so rudely interrupted me,_ ” Hubert snapped. Caspar mimed sewing his mouth shut. Really, it was a mystery how Hubert put up with him. “I spoke with Lady Edelgard, and she seems to think Ferdinand is ready for this next step.”

“Are _you_ ready?” 

“Yes.” The answer came unbidden. It caught Hubert by surprise. 

The self-satisfied grin on Caspar’s face spoke of a man who had snared a rabbit while blindfolded and with his hands tied behind his back. “Then, it’s settled. You’ll propose, get married, live happily ever after, and confound all members of polite society until you die. Sounds nice.” 

“It is decidedly not as simple as you set it out to be.”

“Why in the Goddess’s name not?” 

“Because what if I do it all wrong? What if it’s not what he imagined? What if I…disappoint him?” 

“You could propose to him immediately after you’ve fall into a pile of dung, and he would say yes, and for the rest of his days tell the story of your proposal like it was the singularly most romantic thing to have ever happened. _Well_ , he might sprinkle in some words about how adorably flustered you were, but it’s not like anyone outside our immediate circle of friends would believe it.” 

Hubert frowned and fought the urge to curl in on himself. “How can you be so sure that I will not let him down?” 

“Hubie, he’s in love with the most frightening man in all of Fódlan. Anything you choose to do to express even a fraction of what you feel for him will mean the world to him. Anyone can see how much he loves you. I can almost guarantee that the only reason it’s you who must propose is because he knows how awkward you can be in matters of the heart, so he’s giving you the space to figure it out on your own.” 

Caspar’s last statement was preposterous. Hubert hardly had the strength to believe in the truth of the words. “You think he’s already considered proposing to me?”

When he saw Hubert’s somber expression, Caspar barked out a laugh. “Oh, I’m sure of it! Knowing you as I do and knowing him as well, I already know he’s mentioned all of this to you, and you’ve been too far up your own ass to understand that any mention he makes of his future is with you at the center of it.” 

It wasn’t like Caspar was saying anything new, but Hubert still found himself feeling overwhelmed. Having two people he trusted, however reluctantly or not, tell him that Ferdinand was clearly committed to him made Hubert feel small and tender and vulnerable.

Caspar continued as if Hubert wasn’t currently feeling needlessly exposed. “Hubert, you are ready to do this. You would not have bought that ring if you weren’t. You love him. And it’s time you showed him, and yourself, that you aren’t going anywhere. Not if you can help it.” 

Hubert remained quiet for some time. He reached for the ring still in Caspar’s grasp and took it. He rubbed the cool metal between his fingers and took a steadying breath. 

He could do this. He could ask the man he loved to promise to spend the rest of his life with him. 

Caspar’s grin was knowing. “That’s the dark mage I know! Ruthless. Fearless. Determined to keep the man he loves.”

And Caspar was right. 

Hubert would keep him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, ya'll enjoyed me pushing my Hubert/Caspar friendship agenda. I tried my best. I just think Hubie deserves friends. Is that too much to ask?
> 
> Next up: Proposal time!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hubert has a nightmare. He decides there's no better time than the present to propose to Ferdinand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: violence, gore, traumatic amputation, disemboweling 
> 
> If you don’t want to read anything mentioned above, skip to the part after the *** appears. 
> 
> BTW. One of Ferdinand and Hubert's embraces is very much inspired by the art in [this tweet](https://twitter.com/bwlkn/status/1296508495383207937?s=20), specifically the doodle to the top left.

Hubert hovered over Ferdinand, a blade to the younger man’s throat. 

“You will live to regret your betrayal,” he hissed, but the threat was brittle. His hand was shaking. His whole body felt on the brink of collapse. It was taking all of his strength not to weep, to scream, to plead for Ferdinand to deny what he already knew to be true. 

Ferdinand laughed, that clear and sparkling sound that had so enamored Hubert. “Oh, Hubert. You really thought I would stick by a bigot like Edelgard? A woman with no idea of how to bring the people of this land together without first tearing everyone apart?” 

He laughed again. He did not seem to care about the knife cutting into his flesh. He ignored it as he might a persistent but harmless fly. 

“I know you, Hubert. You won’t hurt me. You don’t have it in you” 

Hubert’s vision shattered to pieces. In the haze, he did not think. All he knew was that in the space of a breath, he went from looking into Ferdinand’s eyes to watching his mouth open in a scream. 

The agony in the scream brought Hubert back to the moment. He saw what he had done: three of Ferdinand’s fingers had been severed. It had been a clean cut. 

He should have done worse. Ferdinand did not deserve his mercy. 

“Please, remind me of what I will not do.” Hubert moved to wrap a hand around Ferdinand’s throat, but he hesitated. The blood on his hand felt like flames. A brand to taint him once and for all. 

He would never recover from willingly staining himself with the blood of the man he had allowed himself to love. 

This was why Hubert had never wanted to attach himself to anyone. No person should have this power over him. 

It was disgraceful how he had allowed someone to crawl so near to his heart that it was torture to hurt them in the name of the Empire. 

“Oh, are you stopping there?” Ferdinand’s voice was quavering, but he still looked Hubert in the eye. “You have worse in you, Hubert. Give it to me, if your fragile little heart can take it.” 

“Shut your insolent mouth!” Hubert wrapped his hand around Ferdinand’s throat. His emotions could go fuck themselves. He would live with the regret…but later. Much later.

He squeezed and squeezed and squeezed. 

Ferdinand burst into breathless giggles. “Oh, Hubie. You’ll have to try harder than that. You’ve fucked me harder than this.” 

His hold on Ferdinand’s throat wavered. He felt wounded. Whatever remained of the trust between them turned into tiny shards, embedding themselves into Hubert’s skin. 

He would not be cowed. Ferdinand could dismiss the intimacy they had shared, but Hubert would not be made a fool again. 

“Shut.” 

A stab to Ferdinand’s gut. 

“Your.” 

A twist of the blade. 

“Mouth.” 

A jagged slice to the right. 

And blood. So much blood. 

*** 

Hubert woke with a start. 

He could hear his heartbeat thudding in his ears. His breath came in rapid, gasping bursts. When he brushed back the hair from his face, in search of something to help ground him, he found the strands slick with sweat. 

His eyes were struggling to focus. Everything felt blurry and sharp all at once. 

“Ferdinand!” He did not bother to hide the desperation in his voice. There was no need for that. 

The younger man bolted upright, his hands reaching out instinctively. “Hubert?” 

Hubert sucked in a breath the moment Ferdinand wrapped a hand around his wrist. The tension inside him released and with it came the tears he’d been holding back.

“Sweetheart! Come here.” Ferdinand wrapped his arms around him, steady and strong. Hubert buried his face in the younger man’s shoulder and allowed his sobs to tear through his body “Oh, my heart.” 

Words were lodged in Hubert’s throat. He needed to speak them even though he knew they were unnecessary. Worst of all, he did not even have the self-respect to be embarrassed by their delivery. “I” hiccup “would” hiccup “never” hiccup “hurt” hiccup “you.” 

Ferdinand kissed his neck. “It’s all over now. You did not hurt me. I am perfectly safe here with you.” 

“I swear it.” He tightened his grip on Ferdinand. “No matter what you do. I will _never_ lift a hand against you.” 

“Oh, Hubert.” He could hear the threat of tears in Ferdinand’s voice. Another kiss was pressed to his neck. “I would never make you choose between me and your duty to Edelgard. I would never betray your trust so terribly.” 

“No!” His fingers dug into Ferdinand’s back. He had to understand. He had to _know_. “Even then. Even if you did. I would not harm you.” 

He felt Ferdinand’s weight settle on his shoulders as something in the younger man relaxed. “I know what is in your heart, Hubert von Vestra. You do not have to convince me. I only hope you trust me not to force you to make unjust decisions.” 

Hubert smiled, rubbing his face against the soft fabric of Ferdinand’s nightclothes. He knew Ferdinand spoke the truth. He knew that the fears his dreams brought to life were lies. His mind could be cruel while he slept, but though he may have doubted Ferdinand’s commitment to their relationship, he never doubted the kind of man Ferdinand was. 

There was no duplicity here. There never would be. 

“Ferdinand?” 

“Yes?” 

Hubert pulled away from Ferdinand’s embrace if only to look at him. He met Ferdinand’s amber gaze and offered him a secret smile. A smile only for Ferdinand. “I love you.” 

“You are a menace, von Vestra.” Ferdinand said, wagging a finger at him like a displeased schoolmaster. But then he grinned and crushed Hubert to him in a merciless kiss. 

Hubert, perpetually starved for Ferdinand’s affection, sought the taste of him like all hope would be lost without it. He licked Ferdinand’s bottom lip and groaned in pleasure when he was granted easy access into Ferdinand’s mouth. Hubert knew there was no denying the carnal desire that burned in his veins when he reached for all Ferdinand had to offer, but his true addiction was to the the sweet nectar of intimacy that came with giving in to his desires. What he craved more than melting into Ferdinand until there was no prying them apart was the proof that he could ask for anything, and it would be given. _That_ was what made him want to take and take and take and take. He knew he would be appeased. Ferdinand would not deny him his crucial need: intimacy. 

When Ferdinand took charge of the kiss, his fist tightening in Hubert’s short hair, his tongue pushing against Hubert’s until it was Hubert being savored and consumed, Hubert slumped as he let go of any lingering sense of control. 

Ferdinand laughed, but it was a good laugh. It was a laugh that meant he knew Hubert was all his. No restraints. No hesitations. 

Ferdinand kissed him again. He licked into his mouth, once, teasing, before peppering his jaw with kisses as soft as the touch of petals. His hand deftly found its way beneath Hubert’s clothes. His palm shamelessly burned a path from his stomach to his chest. He flicked one of Hubert’s nipples with a finger, and Hubert shuddered. He wanted so much more. He wanted nothing else.

And this. This, too, was part of it. He did not only want to take all of Ferdinand into himself. He also wanted to be taken by him. He wanted to be held still until his every need, until his silent cry for _more more more more_ , was satisfied by the one person who knew how to give him what he needed. 

He wanted Ferdinand von Aegir to always want this. To always want _him_. 

Ferdinand bit his neck hard enough to bruise. His tongue immediately followed, lapping at the skin to soothe. And Hubert was happy. He really was. 

He laughed. He felt drunk, but there was something he needed to do. He knew for sure it had to be now. 

He tapped two fingers against Ferdinand’s forearm, a warning, and the younger man let him pull away from his hold. 

Hubert found himself gasping for breath at the loss of contact. He gulped in lungfuls of air until his thoughts settled. 

Calmer now, Hubert made sure to look at Ferdinand when he said, “I have something to ask you.” 

“What is it?” Ferdinand asked, soft and warm and utterly at ease. His mussed hair begged to be touched by Hubert’s hands. Hubert loved Ferdinand’s hair. Long and beautiful and bright. 

Hubert shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He had to do this right. 

“Let me get something first.”

Ferdinand said nothing as Hubert stood up and walked toward the box where he kept all his poisons. The younger man never went near it, per Hubert’s ardent request. Hubert reached for the nondescript black pouch he had hidden the engagement ring in. 

He returned to Ferdinand’s side and sat before him. 

Briefly, he wondered if this was the right moment to ask. He had planned a more romantic gesture, but the moment felt fortuitous. He wanted this, and he wanted to ask for it now. 

“Ferdinand, I have given this much thought, and I think it is long overdue for me to frankly speak to you about my feelings for you.” Hubert took a fortifying breath, his heartbeat spiking at the sight of Ferdinand already with his eyes bright with tears. “It has been a couple of years now since, through your sheer stubbornness, you made a place for yourself in my heart. Every moment since you first kissed me, exasperated once and for all with my blindness to my feelings towards you and their reciprocity, has been the happiest of my life. It is agony to be apart from you, but there are no words at my disposal to describe the joy it brings me to know that, though we may be apart, we will be united again. I know no better comfort than the knowledge that as long as you are by my side there is nothing that we could not overcome.”

Ferdinand was openly crying now, tears streaming down his cheeks. But Hubert knew better than to fear. This was not unhappiness. No. This was something so much sweeter and tender. 

“What I am trying to say, Ferdinand, is that I would be very grateful if you were to allow me to spend the rest of my life with you. To the end of my days, I want to wake with you by my side and be comforted and to comfort you in return.” Ferdinand was on the edge of hysterics. Hubert couldn’t help the smile that crossed his lips. He loved this man so very much. 

Hubert opened the pouch and reached for the ring inside. He offered it to Ferdinand “So, sweetness of my heart, would you marry me?” 

Ferdinand threw himself at Hubert. His arms wrapped around Hubert like a vice Hubert never wanted to let go. 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Ferdinand punctuated every exclamation with a kiss. To his neck. To his jaw. To his mouth. 

His hands moved to cup Hubert’s face, and he kissed his cheeks, his forehead, and his mouth once more. “Yes! I will marry you, Hubert von Vestra. I will gladly spend the rest of my life fighting with you over the shortcomings of coffee, and smiling as you grow an oversized garden that threatens to take over our future home. I will watch you care for your plants as if they were babes, and I will kiss you until even on my deathbed I will remember the taste of you on my lips.” 

Hubert smiled and reached for Ferdinand’s hand. He slipped the ring on his finger, and Ferdinand released a sound high enough to be considered a squeal.

Hubert was rewarded for the assault in his ears with another kiss. 

“I have something for you as well!” Ferdinand grinned before hurrying to his feet in search of something. 

When he came back, he had a gold chain in his hands. Dangling from the chain was a beautiful ring. 

Ferdinand crawled onto Hubert’s lap, unafraid to demand space. “I was not sure if you would like to wear the ring on your finger, as I know all the careful work you do with your hands, so I bought a chain. I thought you might like to carry the ring close to your heart. The ring has been fitted to your size, so whatever you choose will be more than suitable.” 

“I do rather like the idea of carrying a piece of you close to my heart.” 

Ferdinand’s grin was bright as a star. Hubert would be happy to live the rest of his life under its radiance. 

The younger man reached forward and clasped the chain around his neck. Hubert shivered as he felt the cold metal settle against his skin.

“May I have another kiss?” he asked. 

“Oh, so now you ask—“ Hubert smothered Ferdinand’s words with his mouth.

He was so in love. He could not wait to spend the rest of his life with the man not even his sweetest dreams could’ve conjured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it, folks. Hubert finally proposed. If this chapter feels all over the place, it's because my muse wanted to distract me with smut. I wanted to post this ASAP tho because I started my master's...and I predict uni eating all my time. 
> 
> So, that's my long way of saying that I don't know when the next drabble will be up. Hopefully, it won't take weeks or months. But it just might. 
> 
> What comes next? Ferdie having a near death experience? Smut? Everyone finding out about the proposal? Who knows? Only time will tell.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure when the next drabble in this series will be posted...but feel free to share suggestions of what you would like to see in the comments. Rest assured that at the very least I will write a proposal scene because I'm a weak bitch.


End file.
